کتاب باج گیری عاطفی

اثر سوزان فوروارد از انتشارات پیکان - مترجم: منیژه شیخ جوادی-بهترین کتاب های روانشناسی

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotiona...

Emotional blackmail is a term used to cover a central form of psychological manipulation - "the use of a system of threats and punishment on a person by someone close to them in an attempt to control their behavior".[1] "Emotional blackmail... typically involves two people who have established a close personal or intimate relationship (mother and daughter, husband and wife, sister and sister, two close friends)."[2] When subjected to emotional blackmail, "we become the others emotional hostage". As Jean Baudrillard puts it: "If you dont give me that, you will be responsible for my breakdown".[3]


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I stumbled across a reference to this book online while searching for more advice/support/ insight as to what to do / how to cope with a very difficult family situation. I ordered the book online and it arrived from the US about a week later. Have read it cover to cover over the last two days ( it felt like water in the desert) and found so much wisdom and practical advice packed inside I could just kiss the author! I went straight out this morning and bought a notebook to use start to rethinking things through and following the exercises suggested as Susan Forward advises. Wow feel immensely stronger and more positive.

Susan uses the notion of someone targeted by an emotional abuser being in a FOG an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. This is an excellent analogy. Already I feel my personal FOG has lifted somewhat.

The thing I really like about this book is that it does not label the @emotional abuser@ as a bad, evil, or irredeemable person but explains how and why things can turn out this way in relationships that had started out as loving relationships and provides new ways of thinking and acting enabling the person targeted by an emotional abuser to begin to change something which may in turn enable the abuser to change. In other words to regain some power and integrity. In my case it was good to see in print that many of the things we are already doing are on the right track but the book really helped me think about why do I keep doing things that dont help change things and provides lots of strategies to try.

Near the end of the book is a letter someone who had become an @emotional abuser@ wrote to his inner self and then shared with his partner. He had managed to identify that part of his personality that had needed to act in this way and in doing so begin remove its power to harm or keep it in check as now he recognises it for what it is.

Of course as Forward explains not every relationship can be healed or renewed but following her advice at least one of the parties will end up stronger and feeling in control of their own life again.

مشاهده لینک اصلی
I read this book as research for a short story Im writing, but was struck by how common many of the emotional blackmail techniques described in this book actually are. Family members, friends, and employers often use these strategies without anyone thinking about whats going on. If youre a generous person, you could be taken advantage of easily.

As the author points out, a lot of emotional abuse mimics normal behaviour and can be difficult to identify for that reason. What makes emotional blackmail different from normal anger or unhappiness is its consistent, one-sided nature.

This is an intriguing read and a thought-provoking book.

مشاهده لینک اصلی
Excellent book! This books makes it crystal clear the behaviors of one who consistantly uses emotional blackmail to get their way. Outstanding, easy read. I found myself highlighting points in almost every chapter. It is truly amazing how Frazier describes FOG (Fear, Obligation, and Guilt) that so many blackmailers use to make their victims bend. It can be ever so slight to completely obvious. Once you know the pattern, it makes it quite easy to spot what is happening and put in place the tools taught by Frazier to protect and defend yourself. I would highly recommend this book.

مشاهده لینک اصلی
I think everyone should read this book. I know what you are thinking...just another self-help book, but this book will help you deal with anyone difficult in your life and also realize when you yourself arent acting reasonably. I could relate to a great deal in this book and Im sure you will too.

مشاهده لینک اصلی
情緒勒索已是大家耳熟能詳且望文就能會意的一個詞,經由介紹,秉持著不難的話就看原典的精神,我從發明這個詞的原典開始看。

開始是西方加油加油人書籍,序章先summary ,勾起讀者興趣。花了好幾章的時間解釋概念,中間聰明的穿插各種實例,隨著章節推進揭露這些故事的進展(大部分的書是單次舉例,這裡是讓故事跟著章節演進,更有說服力)。

接著花了不少時間鼓勵讀者,是的是的我們做的到,我們一起突破這個迷霧,我們要重新掌握自己的人生,藉由信心喊話,藉由分段、可執行的步驟,我們終將獲得勝利。

這本書也提供了很多面對勒索者的處理心法。包括不要動、冷處理,也明確的說了該求援的時機。

不是我原本預期中的無腦加油書,其實越逼近執行面的段落,會發現作者越誠實的說方法不一定有用,但至少這是一個改變的機會。

面對很多關係,作者甚至直接要求讀者不要再抱不切實際的幻想:從小就不愛你只想跟妳借錢的妹妹是不可能跟妳發生親情的,死心找別人吧。該離的婚就離吧拖著才是真正對小孩不好。

我真心讚許這種良心,至少沒有一起用正念向宇宙下訂單,清晰的去直視自己的環境,才有可能真正的離開困境。



مشاهده لینک اصلی
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